Yello Shorts
by KrystalKamichi13
Summary: You know you're in for a good time when the narrator forgets his line! Oh, what crime of rhyme--that's so lame, I'm ashamed. LxRaito yaoi crack, T for potty mouths.


Yello Shorts

Krystal Kamichi

And

Kristi Kinoshita

Summary: You know you're in for a good time when the narrator forgets his line! Oh what a crime of rhyme—That's so lame, I'm ashamed.

-i-like-to-fork-after-eating-out-

L was tired of walking.

What, wrong opening? SHIT! What's my line?

L was confused. L is _never_ confused, which made him even more confused.

Who makes this shit up? Oh, yah, the people who paid me in bootlegged yaoi. I forgot.

So, just like any good genius would do when he is confused, L stripped off his pants.

…

Sorry 'bout that. I did mean to bleed all over you guys like that. NEWHO!

"**FOR THE LOVE GOD, RYUUZAKI**!" Raito, being handcuffed to L, was very understandably **freaked out**.

L looked over at Raito. "I need to concentrate, okay? I'm so confused right now about—AUGH! Never-you-mind."

Raito worked his mouth for a few minutes. What the hell does that mean? Does he pay it seven twenty-five an hour? Ohhh, it's apparently a common phrase meaning to open and close your mouth several times in quick succession. Like I would know that!

Raito worked his mouth for a few minutes, occasionally shaking his head as he tried to figure out what the hell was meant by that. FINALLY he worked up the courage to ask "How the hell is that supposed to help you concentrate?" At that point, he looked down and saw the most random shorts in the world, if that's what they really were. They could have been L's boxers, but Raito and I are gonna pray to god that they are just yellow shorts with little green frogs and purple bubbles on them. "L, what the fuck are you wearing?"

"You say that as if I'm wearing Misa's clothes again," L said smartly, beginning to count his frogs with his little finger. What, does L have some sort of finger deformity or something? Pinky finger makes more sense in this case, stupid authors.

"L, are you--?"

"Yes, I'm counting my frogs. If you have a problem with that, shut up and drink a few gallons of Vault. And try to read those, uhh, _things_ you read. Constantly. Seriously, I totally dare you."

This narrator would like to take complaint about these authors' characterization of L, or rather the lack thereof. Anybody else, the line starts behind me.

Raito blushed, knowing that L was talking about his secret stash of yaoi doujinshi without letting anyone else in the room catch on. WTFH?! God, if I didn't need the cash from my day job to make rent and not get bootlegged yaoi, I would never have taken on this crackfic. Stupid rent. Stupid blackmailing authors.

"What the fuck are you blushing for? I didn't say anything about your freaky doujinshi, okay? If you really wanna do that kind of thing with me, there's a private room right over there. And, dude, if you want video, I'll give it to ya, 'kies?"

If this gets any more graphic, I swear to _God_ I'm quitting right now. But you'd better already pay me for what I've already done goddamnit.

Raito blushed even harder as Matsuda, Yagami-tousan, and the entire team quickly vacated the premises.

L began again. "If you don't want to fucking do anything, then at _least_ help me count the frogs on my butt, I can never reach them."

"HELL FUCKING NO, BITCH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RYUUZAKI!" Raito said, officially red from head to toe. He tried storming away in a huff, forgetting that he was chained to hell. These people are supposed to be fucking geniuses, right?

I thank you.

L laughed at Raito's stupidity. "Yeah, you're not going anywhere, sugarlips. You have two choices now: you can either (A) sit and watch me take off my boxers, and put them on backwards so I can count the ones that were on my ass, OR (42) count them for me and there will be no strip show."

"… if you take off your shorts, they ain't coming back on any time soon."

The previous narrator had to go to the hospital due to an 'anemic' fit (like in the manga _Karin_), leaving me to continue the narration in a completely different fashion. I'd like to take this time to introduce my partner, Elroy Llama—FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RYUUZAKI! Unfortunately, Mr. Llama will not be joining us tonight.

Oh, not to worry, children. The previous narrator will still receive his promised—ahem—illegally obtained, explicit male-on-male reading selections. Not only do I not enjoy such pursuits, but he **bled** all over it, leaving me to be wholly disgusted with the venue.

Oh, indeed. I am a good catholic mother, and believe that homosexuality—WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY, GOD ABOVE! Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned… Ahem, I believe that homosexuality is the work of the devil and a sin, and will NOT—GOD ALMIGHTY, WILL YOU TWO GIVE IT A REST? I CAN'T KEEP THIS UP MUCH LONGER—will NOT go unpunished by our Lord. OH MY GOD, I'M TRYING TO PARTAKE IN MY MORAL OBLIGATIONS OVER HERE!

"It's okay, we're done now!"

"Ryuu-kun, who Ryuu talk to?"

If I condoned of such activities as have just taken place, I would end this fic on a romantic, whimsical note. However, I do not. Bye.

"What, that's it?"

"So, are we getting another new narrator?"

(A/N: Dude, what the hell? Why do the narrators keep quitting on me? It's not like I'm writing anything _graphic_ or anything! I has no skillx0rz.)

(B/N: Ain't your fault, pookie. Defecation occurs, as they say in Georgia.)

(A/N: Still! How'm I supposed to end my fic now? Nobody will read the script!)

(B/N: Dude, how about we ask L? He can hear us!)

(A/N: That was exactly what I was thinking! What do you say L?)

"That's fucked up!"

"What is, Ryuu-kun?"

"They seriously want me to narrate the end of their fic."

"Who're 'they'?"

"They are _god_, Raito-kun."

"NO WAIZ! I AMU GOOOOOOOOD! Wait, what the fuck did I mean by that?" Raito smiled innocently at me, and I just shook my head.

"Kira percent up point-nine percent."

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"

-OWARI-

A/N: It's over a thousand words, what more do you want?

B/N: FLYING FLAN FISH!

A/N: What the hell, Kristi?

B/N: I dunno.


End file.
